Tag: meditate

Lotus flower reminder to love the miracle you are

Six Ways to Love the Miracle You Are

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It’s not always obvious how to love the miracle you are. The truth is that for so many of us, the dead opposite often feels easier. Yet, perhaps surprisingly, there are places in this world where self love is the only option. Some decades ago, a group of Buddhist teachers from the West were with the Dalai Lama and asked him about concepts of self loathing, self hatred, and unworthiness. The Dalai Lama conferred with a translator for a good ten minutes to understand what these men were talking about. You see, the concepts weren’t even in his vocabulary. To him, they did not exist. He asked the teachers who among them had experienced this, and all nodded. One of the group’s members, Buddhist teacher Jack Kornfield, recalls the Dalai Lama’s surprised response: “But that’s a mistake! Every being is precious.” 

The dark side of our thoughts about ourselves isn’t something talked about much. Yet, I know that most of us in Western culture have experienced self-loathing, self-hate, or feelings of unworthiness at one point or another in our lives. I wish I could shield my children from this, and to be honest, the only way I know how to do it is by setting the example. What a world this would be if the idea of anything but self love and compassion were met with the same surprise and confusion as the Dalai Lama’s response to those teachers.  

Where does self-loathing and unworthiness begin?

A number of things can start the mental ball rolling toward self-loathing and unworthiness. At some point or another, we receive negative messages about who and what we are, and we choose to accept them as truth. We develop an inner critic as a protection mechanism to help us show up in the world in a way that won’t earn more negative attention. But that critic grows out of control, especially for people who’ve experienced narcissistic caregivers, trauma, family or housing instability. Truth is, any number of things can deeply impact feelings of worthiness and we grow harder and harder on ourselves in a misguided attempt to prevent future pain.

If you experience self-loathing or feelings of unworthiness, please, pause and hold your heart for a moment. Tell your heart that you are here now. You are here and you will gently guide yourself back to a place of self love, peace, and joy. 

Unworthiness hides in so many of us

When I was in college, I struggled with an eating disorder. I kept it secret from everyone but a single close friend and a therapist. Nearly alone, I grappled with the horror of realizing that I hated myself. I didn’t know where it came from, how it started, how it got so out of control. In addition, that horror was paired with shame at my situation that was so deep, I didn’t even tell my parents. 

I share this with you because I want to acknowledge the feelings of unworthiness that run rampant in our society, and also to be present with the stress that our feelings about our feelings causes. If this sounds like you, this need to hide your pain because you’re ashamed of it, know this: you are not alone. You have more allies and sisters and guides at your fingertips than you realize. People eager to witness you and guide you back to a place of knowing your worthiness.

How to love the miracle you are

Often, the healing path to self-love starts with small shifts. I offer some suggestions to you here, with hope that something will resonate. 

  • When your inner critic speaks, challenge it. Ask it why it’s saying that. My own inner critic never had an answer, and slowly it quieted. Yours will, too. 
  • Journal. Get your feelings out on paper. Let the crap out. All of it. Then, allow your journaling to move into a space of hope, of what-ifs, of dreaming a more peaceful or positive outcome. 
  • Go on a gratitude rampage. Take a walk or just journal or say it out loud – list things you are grateful for, for as many minutes as you can. 
  • Find a therapist. Therapy is something healthy people take part in, and it should be applauded. A good therapist makes space for you to let things out, whereas holding it in just magnifies the self-hurt, depression, or anxiety you may be feeling. 
  • Surround yourself with kind, positive people. The ones who make you feel uplifted at the end of an interaction. In fact, this is extra important for highly sensitive people who soak in the energy of others. If you’re still learning how to protect your energy, give yourself a head start by being choosy with who you surround yourself with.
  • Start a meditation practice. This is a miracle worker. Meditation teaches you to be present and gentle with yourself and your body. You learn to let your thoughts pass without attaching them, returning over and over to the stillness and peace of the present moment. 

I have traveled from the place of self-hatred to self-love. I know it is possible. So, wherever you’re at today, I want you to know that you’re enough. You are worth inner peace. You are worth love. You are worth all good things. Love the miracle you are.

To your joy,

Ashley

https://www.verywellmind.com/i-hate-myself-ways-to-combat-self-hatred-5094676
women meditating with a mountain view

Start your meditation journey with this secret sauce

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Peace and joy. What lovely words, what lovely things to experience. Yet, those feelings can be fleeting at best for mothers juggling all the things. The good news is that peace and joy live in the present moment and they can be reached in the midst of these chaotic days. Oh no, you might be thinking, she’s going to tell me to start meditating. Yes, I am. But I’m also going to give you something that I had to figure out on my own, and it is worth so much. Start your meditation journey with my secret sauce and you’ll discover that it’s easy and fun to show up for this kind of self-care. 

Why meditate? 

If you identify as someone with anxiety or depression, it’s likely that you are living in a constant stress state. Meditation is kryptonite for stress because: 

  • You slow down your body’s stress response 
  • You become more self-aware, which leads to more resilience when you experience stressors
  • Self-criticism fades, self-love grows
  • Your body gets space for deep rest and healing, and
  • Sleep improves

Sounds pretty good, right? And let’s not forget, a meditation practice gives us mothers and parents something we’re truly craving – some alone time. As a mother and a business professional, sometimes the only time I get to myself in the day is my meditation space. But showing up for that practice as often as I can sets me up to better handle whatever comes up during the day. Anxiety is something I dial down by returning to meditation, and overwhelm is less common. 

Here’s the secret sauce

The thing is, starting a new habit – especially one that forces a busy person to slow down and do nothing – is easier said than done. For many years, reading inspiring books about meditating is as close as I got to the actual act. But I figured out the secret sauce to start your meditation journey, which I’m so happy to share. 

Bribe yourself. 

Sounds kinda fun, right? 

Before your first meditation session, sit down and write a list of all the gifts you’d like to give yourself for the next three months. For each week that you show up every single day to meditate, you get a gift. They don’t even need to be big gifts unless you want them to. Anything that affirms you are on the right track sends an amazing feel-good signal to your brain, and your brain then decides to keep moving forward so that it can get that feeling again. Essentially, you are overriding your brain’s hardwired preference to be lazy and revert to the anxiety-filled life it knows. Which is exactly what you are trying to train it away from. 

When I started my own meditation journey, I gifted myself presents weekly for the first two months – little things like new pants or a chick flick night or a trip to my favorite bakery. Then in the third month I spaced it out to a gift every two weeks. By that time, meditation had clearly started to transform my sense of well being. I was feeling calmer. That alone was enough to propel me onward when the gifts stopped showing up. The habit was set, and the physical, mental, and emotional benefits of meditating were reward enough. 

Looking ahead

There are other methods besides meditating that can calm your nervous system, which I will share at a later day. But meditating – that’s the big one. It is your fastest ticket to accessing your peace and joy. You deserve that, plus a whole lotta presents. 

To your joy,

Ashley

p.s. It can be hard for some people to give gifts to themselves. Help a sister out – what would you put on your gift list? Write it in the comments and then share this with a friend!

silhouette of woman with arms stretched out - she feels free

It’s easy to feel happy when you’re doing these five things

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Today, I’m throwing in with the “healthy lifestyle” crowd because I have something to offer that will make it feel a little more accessible. You see, we spend a lot of time living in our heads. We think of “me” as my brain, spirit, soul, and consider “my body” as the machine that works for us but is somewhat separate from us. Ah, what misguided thinking that is! 

I’m the perfect example of someone who has treated her body like it’s meant to thrive day after day regardless of how I treat it. Sure, I exercised, but I had a cruel inner critic, emotional baggage that was being ignored, and high stress from juggling all the things. In my early thirties, I learned that I had a leaky gut and high anxiety. Living in that state was a daily marathon of mental, emotional, and physical discomfort.  

Yet, over time as I’ve reoriented myself in a process I call my joy journey, I’ve started to think of that low point as a blessing in disguise. The anxiety and physical symptoms were messengers: I am not living the grounded, joyful life I dream of. So I got to work pursuing joy, and today I’ll share share how to feel happy with these five things: vitamin b, hydration, veggies, sleep, and meditation.

Feel happy with these five things

Now, you may be wondering how to even begin a joy journey when all the things going wrong feel like a dense rubber band ball about to start snapping. The simple answer is begin anywhere, and as you go, give attention to a mix of physical, mental, and emotional spaces. 

The physical side is important – little things can make a fast difference. For instance, did you know that: 

  • The vitamin B family helps prevent anxiety and depression? In fact, an imbalance of any kind of key vitamin can deeply affect your mood. A blood test and consultation with a naturopath doctor is your best bet at learning the optimal vitamin levels for your body, and which ones are off balance. (Traditional medicine will just tell you if your results are normal or not, when what you need is a fine-tuned assessment for the unique body you are).
  • Proper hydration improves sleep quality and mood, and it delivers nutrition to all of your cells. Experts recommend 11 cups of water per day for women, and 16 for men. (Pro tip: so long as it’s not sweetened or alcoholic, this can include flavored like tea or soda water).
  • Eating healthy levels of fruit and veggies makes your digestive system happy and also decreases your long-term risk of things like diabetes and certain heart conditions. Aim to fill half of your plate at each meal with fruits and vegetables. You’ll be feeling so good. 
  • Sleep is particularly important because it gives your brain time to recharge. Adults up to age 65 need 7-9 hours of sleep – the more the better. But you already knew that 🙂 
  • Meditation is rest for the body. When you meditate, your mind quiets and your body has space to do deep healing. This is THE thing people know about but don’t do. I promise you, if you get yourself a free app like Insight Timer and commit to showing up for 20 minutes a day until you feel a shift, you’ll get yourself addicted to the best mental health support on the planet. 

All you, m’dear! 

I’ll be the first to admit that lifestyle changes take work. I started meditating in 2021 after years of just reading and thinking about meditating. I can tell you, thinking about meditating and actually showing up for it are not the same! The results have been astounding. But that’s the big thing I’ve been working toward. Getting more sleep is still on the radar. I eat more veggies than I used to but there’s room to grow. I’m learning to catch my mind in the act of being critical and help it reframe. I started to feel happy with these five things in my life, and I know you will too.

The biggest reason I share all this because I want you to remember that you can start anywhere. Pick just one thing to address. Then, add on as you are able. It’s really that simple! You’re not taking on the whole kitchen sink, you’re weaving in new threads, in ways that feel right. 

You’re really going to start enjoying yourself as you get going. Loving on yourself will get easy once you start building these new grooves.

As always, I’m so grateful to be on this joy journey with you. Whatever hurts you are healing, know that you are your own best healer. You’ve got this and I’ve got you. 

With so much love, your joy midwife,

Ashley