women meditating with a mountain view

Start your meditation journey with this secret sauce

Peace and joy. What lovely words, what lovely things to experience. Yet, those feelings can be fleeting at best for mothers juggling all the things. The good news is that peace and joy live in the present moment and they can be reached in the midst of these chaotic days. Oh no, you might be thinking, she’s going to tell me to start meditating. Yes, I am. But I’m also going to give you something that I had to figure out on my own, and it is worth so much. Start your meditation journey with my secret sauce and you’ll discover that it’s easy and fun to show up for this kind of self-care. 

Why meditate? 

If you identify as someone with anxiety or depression, it’s likely that you are living in a constant stress state. Meditation is kryptonite for stress because: 

  • You slow down your body’s stress response 
  • You become more self-aware, which leads to more resilience when you experience stressors
  • Self-criticism fades, self-love grows
  • Your body gets space for deep rest and healing, and
  • Sleep improves

Sounds pretty good, right? And let’s not forget, a meditation practice gives us mothers and parents something we’re truly craving – some alone time. As a mother and a business professional, sometimes the only time I get to myself in the day is my meditation space. But showing up for that practice as often as I can sets me up to better handle whatever comes up during the day. Anxiety is something I dial down by returning to meditation, and overwhelm is less common. 

Here’s the secret sauce

The thing is, starting a new habit – especially one that forces a busy person to slow down and do nothing – is easier said than done. For many years, reading inspiring books about meditating is as close as I got to the actual act. But I figured out the secret sauce to start your meditation journey, which I’m so happy to share. 

Bribe yourself. 

Sounds kinda fun, right? 

Before your first meditation session, sit down and write a list of all the gifts you’d like to give yourself for the next three months. For each week that you show up every single day to meditate, you get a gift. They don’t even need to be big gifts unless you want them to. Anything that affirms you are on the right track sends an amazing feel-good signal to your brain, and your brain then decides to keep moving forward so that it can get that feeling again. Essentially, you are overriding your brain’s hardwired preference to be lazy and revert to the anxiety-filled life it knows. Which is exactly what you are trying to train it away from. 

When I started my own meditation journey, I gifted myself presents weekly for the first two months – little things like new pants or a chick flick night or a trip to my favorite bakery. Then in the third month I spaced it out to a gift every two weeks. By that time, meditation had clearly started to transform my sense of well being. I was feeling calmer. That alone was enough to propel me onward when the gifts stopped showing up. The habit was set, and the physical, mental, and emotional benefits of meditating were reward enough. 

Looking ahead

There are other methods besides meditating that can calm your nervous system, which I will share at a later day. But meditating – that’s the big one. It is your fastest ticket to accessing your peace and joy. You deserve that, plus a whole lotta presents. 

To your joy,

Ashley

p.s. It can be hard for some people to give gifts to themselves. Help a sister out – what would you put on your gift list? Write it in the comments and then share this with a friend!

woman laughing

Your laughter’s the best. Get it rolling right here, right now.

Picture this. You walk into an elderly uncle’s home for a visit, just a quick hello and then you’ll make your escape. But you find him giggling helplessly on the ceiling! In spite of your best efforts, you just can’t help yourself. You crack a smile. You giggle. You guffaw. Suddenly, you’ve floated up to join him. 

This can only mean you’ve wandered onto the set of Mary Poppins and everyone is laughing so hard they just go up! Do you remember that scene? How infectious the laughter was? I’m smiling just thinking about it. “The more I glee…the more I’m a merrier me!” 🙂 So let’s have a bit of fun today. I’m going to review some of the health benefits of laughter and then we’ll get to the real reason you’re reading this: your laughter’s the best, and we’re about to get it rolling right here, right now. 

Laughter’s the best

The Mayo Clinic had some fun writing about the subject in an article linking stress relief with laughter. It says, “When it comes to relieving stress, more giggles and guffaws are just what the doctor ordered.” In the immediate moment, laughter reduces stress, soothes tense muscles, and increases the flow of oxygen to your body. In the long term, it helps lower anxiety and depression, contributes to positive thinking, relieves pain, and makes it easier to cope with difficult situations. 

Another little known fact is that even forced laughter has the same health benefits as real laughter. Your body doesn’t know the difference!  

According to Mental Health and Wellness coach Brett Alana Stanley, kindergarten age children laugh up to 300 times a day, while adults laugh about 17. Can you imagine how life might change if you laughed even 100 times a day? 

Get your laughter rolling 

As you move through your days, I hope you ponder ways you might draw laughter into your life. The easy one is playing with your kids, who love to be silly! But what else? Loving and lighthearted TV shows can be wonderful – Schitt’s Creek on Netflix had me laughing in every episode. Or laughter yoga – if you can find a laughter yoga session somewhere in your area, I encourage you to give it a shot. They’re surprisingly fun. 

Last, gently learning to take yourself less seriously and even laugh at yourself can be healing and a way to have fun in your day, even when you’re all alone. Who’s to know about that silly dance party you had all on your own?!

Now, your laughter’s the best and I promised we’d get it rolling right here, right now. So if you will please follow me to the contagious laughter scene in Mary Poppins, we’ll get started right away. You also might like this video clip. Or this classic

To your glee, 

Ashley

P.s. Be sure to put a link to your own favorite funny youtube videos in the comments! Always looking for the next reason to laugh. And when you’re done, share this post to social media! Sparking smiles and laughter is the best kind of caring! 

silhouette of woman with arms stretched out - she feels free

It’s easy to feel happy when you’re doing these five things

Today, I’m throwing in with the “healthy lifestyle” crowd because I have something to offer that will make it feel a little more accessible. You see, we spend a lot of time living in our heads. We think of “me” as my brain, spirit, soul, and consider “my body” as the machine that works for us but is somewhat separate from us. Ah, what misguided thinking that is! 

I’m the perfect example of someone who has treated her body like it’s meant to thrive day after day regardless of how I treat it. Sure, I exercised, but I had a cruel inner critic, emotional baggage that was being ignored, and high stress from juggling all the things. In my early thirties, I learned that I had a leaky gut and high anxiety. Living in that state was a daily marathon of mental, emotional, and physical discomfort.  

Yet, over time as I’ve reoriented myself in a process I call my joy journey, I’ve started to think of that low point as a blessing in disguise. The anxiety and physical symptoms were messengers: I am not living the grounded, joyful life I dream of. So I got to work pursuing joy, and today I’ll share share how to feel happy with these five things: vitamin b, hydration, veggies, sleep, and meditation.

Feel happy with these five things

Now, you may be wondering how to even begin a joy journey when all the things going wrong feel like a dense rubber band ball about to start snapping. The simple answer is begin anywhere, and as you go, give attention to a mix of physical, mental, and emotional spaces. 

The physical side is important – little things can make a fast difference. For instance, did you know that: 

  • The vitamin B family helps prevent anxiety and depression? In fact, an imbalance of any kind of key vitamin can deeply affect your mood. A blood test and consultation with a naturopath doctor is your best bet at learning the optimal vitamin levels for your body, and which ones are off balance. (Traditional medicine will just tell you if your results are normal or not, when what you need is a fine-tuned assessment for the unique body you are).
  • Proper hydration improves sleep quality and mood, and it delivers nutrition to all of your cells. Experts recommend 11 cups of water per day for women, and 16 for men. (Pro tip: so long as it’s not sweetened or alcoholic, this can include flavored like tea or soda water).
  • Eating healthy levels of fruit and veggies makes your digestive system happy and also decreases your long-term risk of things like diabetes and certain heart conditions. Aim to fill half of your plate at each meal with fruits and vegetables. You’ll be feeling so good. 
  • Sleep is particularly important because it gives your brain time to recharge. Adults up to age 65 need 7-9 hours of sleep – the more the better. But you already knew that 🙂 
  • Meditation is rest for the body. When you meditate, your mind quiets and your body has space to do deep healing. This is THE thing people know about but don’t do. I promise you, if you get yourself a free app like Insight Timer and commit to showing up for 20 minutes a day until you feel a shift, you’ll get yourself addicted to the best mental health support on the planet. 

All you, m’dear! 

I’ll be the first to admit that lifestyle changes take work. I started meditating in 2021 after years of just reading and thinking about meditating. I can tell you, thinking about meditating and actually showing up for it are not the same! The results have been astounding. But that’s the big thing I’ve been working toward. Getting more sleep is still on the radar. I eat more veggies than I used to but there’s room to grow. I’m learning to catch my mind in the act of being critical and help it reframe. I started to feel happy with these five things in my life, and I know you will too.

The biggest reason I share all this because I want you to remember that you can start anywhere. Pick just one thing to address. Then, add on as you are able. It’s really that simple! You’re not taking on the whole kitchen sink, you’re weaving in new threads, in ways that feel right. 

You’re really going to start enjoying yourself as you get going. Loving on yourself will get easy once you start building these new grooves.

As always, I’m so grateful to be on this joy journey with you. Whatever hurts you are healing, know that you are your own best healer. You’ve got this and I’ve got you. 

With so much love, your joy midwife,

Ashley

Your messes, illuminated

I wish you loneliness… 

This line appeared in a poem for my baby, written by my sister in law. She shared it at a Blessingway ceremony held in August – a gathering with a small circle of dear women to honor the transition in my life as I prepared to give birth to my second child. 

The women brought blessings, poems, and prayers to share, written on sheets of origami paper. I planned to fold the papers into birds and place them around the house; I would be surrounded by their blessings while giving birth. My son arrived 12 days early, a little too soon to complete folding all of the birds, but some were scattered around and I have the gift of sitting with them as I fold them now, weeks later. But back to the poem…  in its fullness, it quietly reads: 

“I cannot wish you safety, because we learn through risk.

I cannot wish you peace because discomfort makes us radically creative.

I cannot wish you pure health, because the body contains multitudes, and strength comes from wrestling what seeks to unbalance you.

I can wish you love. I can wish you loneliness.

Mostly, I wish for you to live in the fullness of your humanity, whatever that may be, with as much curiosity about the messes as the miracles.” 

Written by Kitt Healy

How to accept life’s messes

Ultimately, these origami blessings are destined for a picture box to hang on the wall, surrounding a photo of my newborn son. I’ve deliberated over leaving this one in the frame unfolded, it’s love and honesty open for reading and rereading. Part of me wants to fold it, to hide the words because my mother’s heart wants no sadness or hardship for this child. And while for me it will always be this way, I know, deeply, that a life of pure ease is not what he came for. He came to forget; forget that he is made of love and forget that he is one with everything. He came to relearn and remember these things as he ages. He came for the messes.

This is a good reminder for me, too. I’ve spent long hours feeling sad over pains in my life. Friendships and loves lost. Being hard on myself for those sadnesses, as if doing things a little bit different, a little bit better or more perfect could have protected me from painful moments. I sometimes get intensely anxious about making a decision, afraid that if I make the wrong one I will be hurt in the future.

But pain free living was never going to be possible, was it? Over these past months, during the loneliness invoked by COVID-19, I’ve started using a method for releasing old emotions called emotional frequency technique, or “tapping.” Events that I wish hadn’t happened – they’re transforming into old memories without painful associations. I’m learning to love my messy life, just as it is.

Our messes, illuminated

I can’t protect my children from the messes any more than I can protect myself. But I can show them a mother who loves her life, all the bumps and bruises and how they’ve shaped her, a mother who has learned to let go and forgive and love herself. Maybe that example can be a beacon of light that helps guide them back to themselves when their messes make them forget the way. These are my messes, illuminated.

I wish that for you, too. That you see your messes as part of your becoming. Becoming something brighter and more full and more in line with the heart of you. You are made of love and are part of everything. Even with the messes. Remember that.

***If this post speaks to you in any way, please share it with your friends on social media. This is a fairly new blog and I’m grateful for everyone helping get the word out! <3

Woman surrounded by spring flowers. You can boost your mood, even with spring fever!

How to feel joyful when you’ve got spring fever

A flush of weather in the high 40s hit Wisconsin over the weekend, turning my mind to spring and the tulip and dwarf iris bulbs I planted last fall. They’re somewhere under the frozen layer of earth, brimming with bottled energy. I can feel it. Soon I’ll turn around and there they’ll be – a rainbow of colors gracing my yard, hopefully giving passers-by a reason to smile. What about you? Has spring fever hit? Today I’d like to offer you some easy-to-do tips that will spark feelings of well being, even as we wait for sunshine and flowers. 

Create joyful spaces

In a thoughtful and uplifting blog post called “7 emotional lessons for a more joyful life,” Ingrid Fettel Lee writes, “Because joy is small, it’s accessible. I might not know how to be happy on a particular day, but I know that I can find one or two moments of joy that I might not have had otherwise.” I love this idea. Some days, I’m not sure how to pull myself out of a funk but I do know that I can hold gratitude for a flash of color or a pretty bake brought to the office by a co-worker. Small moments that spark joy are everywhere, and they can be intentionally created. 

Ingrid’s words speak to the concept of joy-making that I recently stumbled upon in my own life. I never realized it before, but by the small act of placing something that evokes loving and joyful emotions, I can completely transform how I feel about a space.  Slowly, oh so slowly, I’ve been bringing me-things into my office. Plants and artwork and most recently, a framed photo of my daughter wearing a sweet, knit fox hat. That picture was the missing piece; it turned my office into a place I like spending time. Every time I look at her face, positive feelings fill my mind and body.

You can spark joy in any of your spaces, too. That all-black outfit could have some bright earrings or a scarf. A bright layer of paint or art could make the bathroom a space where you feel energized. Maybe scents or musical sounds from special pieces of your past could be brought into your present, ready to help you transform your mood. 

Make New Beliefs About Yourself

Here’s another inspiring bit of writing that can make the best of spring fever. It’s so full of love and hope for all of us – wisdom on how to follow our hearts to our joy. “How to Create Joy Today: 7 tips for a Happy Life,” by Sarah Maude over on the Tiny Buddha blog. It’s hard to pull just one quote from this, but I will say that the section on spring cleaning your belief system resonates. Sarah writes, “Many people believe they have to live with the cards they have been dealt, that life is tough, or if you want something you have to fight for it. Yet beliefs are only thoughts that we keep thinking. No belief is set in stone.” 

Isn’t that on point? We build beliefs because they seem to fit circumstances. Years later, those beliefs still whisper to us even if our spirits and lives are calling us to do and be and believe something totally different.

Personally, I straddle two worlds – a researcher by day, and a creative writer and singer by night, slowly forming community. I dream of more time to bake and play with new art forms; discovering parts of me that are waiting to be born. Through it all, I have started to wonder, what limiting beliefs are holding me back? What limiting beliefs might be preventing me from the fullness of who I could be and the experiences I could have?

Sarah challenges us to ask ourselves: “Where has this belief come from?” “What does this belief cost me on a daily basis?” “What would happen if I let go of this old belief?”

Sarah Maude on Tiny Buddha

Good thoughts to ponder as we wait for spring. I know that the longer days ahead will bring with them a boost in energy. Perhaps you and I will be prepared to use that energy to rewrite those limiting beliefs into something powerful and true. 

Love that body of yours

It’s a strange thing, isn’t it? How we consider our bodies separate from our selves, like a thing we own instead of the thing we are. The body is entwined with our moods and thoughts and beliefs. A healthy body can overcome a lot of spring fever blues. It becomes easier to think thoughts, create joy, and re-frame limiting beliefs. 

This Forbes article has some spot-on suggestions for beating the winter blues. Among them are exercising, eating healthy, sleeping well, making meaningful connections, and engaging in healthy activities like mediation. Also, don’t forget that supplements can make a difference. Vitamin D sits at the top of the list in this Mindbodygreen article. It’s key in supporting our immune systems and boosting our moods.

For all you post-partum mamas out there, keep in mind that a blood panel can help you figure out if your body needs extra support. Pregnancy takes a toll and a personal blood-panel can be the thing that kick-starts a path to wellness. Even women who had their babies years ago might still carry an imbalance from their pregnancy.  

Here comes the sun

Spring is coming, I promise! In the meantime, I hope the resources provided today give you some mood-boosting inspiration as you move through spring fever. And wherever you are, whatever you’re up to this week – know that I’m cheering for you. We are all blessed because you’re here on this planet, loving and living and shining light into the world as only you can. Stand tall, sister.

***If you liked this post, please share it to social media! The Love Your Mom Life 101 online course is about to launch. I’m grateful to all who help spread the word by sharing links to the blog or website! The course will teach moms how to quickly free up 2 hours per day so that they can enjoy their beautiful lives without stressing over their to-do lists. So thrilled to be launching this amazing resource!

Woman running...just like busy moms run all the time. Let's prioritize!

3 Mom-Approved Ways to Prioritize

“Prioritize!” It’s one of those hot button phrases out there, whether you’re a busy mom or a busy business person. Speaking as a mom, I also know that it can be tough to prioritize a to-do list when all of it is necessary for one reason or another. In the end, though, prioritizing is a form of self care. It keeps you calm and confident. That’s why today I offer you 3 mom-approved ways to prioritize, used by myself and other mothers.

Method 1: The Urgent vs. Important Grid

This is my favorite tool that I’ve come across that helps prioritize. I use it at work and home. I don’t even know if it has an official title, but it looks like the below picture. As you can see, the most urgent, most important to-dos go in the upper left box. Next are the top right and bottom left (not urgent but important) and (less important but urgent). These get done after your most urgent/most important stuff is done. The bottom right is for everything else…stuff that would be nice to get to. I often find myself chipping away at that one when I only have a minute or two and can’t get into a bigger project.

The beauty of this is that it 1) forces you to define what is urgent and what is important, and 2) it captures everything in your brain so that you’re not doing a mental juggling act all the time. It really makes it easy to decide what to do next. Pro tip: use a post-it note inside each quadrant so that you can fill it up and replace it instead of re-drawing the grid each time it fills up.

Remember to throw self care activities in the mix!

Method 2: Ask 3 Key Questions

In this short video, Dr. Kate Northrup discusses the three questions that help her prioritize. She shares examples from her own life. Importantly, the stuff she keeps on her “to do list” become part of a weekly to-do list. Such a great concept because the reality is that life throws curve balls all the time, so take the pressure off of a daily list and make a weekly one! 

The questions that Dr. Northrup uses to prioritize are:

-Does this need to be done?

-Does this need to be done by me?

-Does this need to be done right now? 

I’ve already taken a page from her book this week and started asking myself, “does this need to be done by me?” Without even thinking about it, I tend to add stuff to my own to-do list without taking into account that my husband is probably up for helping if I just ask. Those birthday party invitations for our soon-to-be 2 year old are about to become a joint project!

Method 3: Order Your Life Priorities

The last of the 3 mom-approved ways to prioritize involves writing down your life priorities in order of importance. Then, as possible activities present themselves, say yes or no based on how well they accomplish your priorities. The Confident Mom has a post that gives an example of how one mom used this approach in her busy life so that she says yes to only what’s most important. Surprisingly, this mom ranked her kids #4, but if you look at her higher priorities (God, Husband, Home) you see that all of it combines to create a loving home for her kids.

The lesson here? You can prioritize areas of your life and you have every right to order them how you please. You’re the best mom your kids could have and everyone who loves you knows it. <3

Wolah! There you have it: 3 mom-approved ways to prioritize, offered by mothers who want the very best for your happy home and life. Sending all life’s brightest blessings to you this week. May you find yourself reveling in small moments that are only yours to cherish. Life is good. 

***If you found any of these ideas useful, be sure to share the blog link on Facebook and other social media. Sharing is caring!

Woman hiking on mountain. Live with no regrets.

The No. 1 Question to Make Sure You Live with No Regrets

If you’ve been following this blog for any amount of time, you know that I’m all about helping you to shrink the time it takes to do housework and general life routines. My goal is to help you enjoy your beautiful life to its fullest. But I also think it’s important to keep the big picture in mind. Do you prioritize the things that will fill your heart? The things you’ll remember? I know it can be easy to forget this in the business of mom life. So today I offer you a key question that will help you live with no regrets. 

The No. 1 Question Is….

“Will I regret missing this?”

That’s it. Simple question. Pivotal answer. 

This message keeps crossing my path, and I’m grateful for it.

Flashback: I’m 18 years old and listening to a speech during Freshman orientation. Obviously I’m very cool because I now have a dorm room and a roommate and my parents are in another state. The speaker says: “You’ll never remember the time you spent studying. You’ll never wish you studied more.” He was speaking to a room full of high achievers. Many were about to disappear into books for four years. We would occasionally spot them at the late-night coffee shop in the library basement or on a quick run for the Walla Walla-famous taco truck. Because of that speech, I spent my college years asking, “Will I regret missing this?” If the answer was yes, I opted for the adventure over studying. Those were good times. 🙂

Flash forward 14 years: I’m now a mom and there is no orientation for a thing like this. The dorm is now a house, the roommate a husband. Obviously I’m less cool but also more real and solid in myself. Half my brain is devoted to a tiny human at all times, and some days the to-do list goes on and on. But there is a world full of voices that sing the same song as that speaker. The ones that say, “live with no regrets. Remember your beautiful life.” These are good times.

One of these voices appeared in a great article on NBC News about the mental load of motherhood. One woman shared: “I always thought forward and asked myself the question, “Will I feel bad if I miss this [family event]?” If the answer was yes, I didn’t go. No one will remember the business meetings I missed, but my family will remember the precious moments I was there for! That no-regret policy became my North Star.” 

You can have fun AND keep your clean-house standards

Now, let me be clear that prioritizing memory-making over a spotless house isn’t about lowering your standards. “Lowering your standards” is darn hard to do and it doesn’t make anyone feel good! I believe there are ways to keep your standards while having as much fun as possible.

You can check out these 33 Ways to Spark More Free Time for some easy-to-implement ideas. Another recommended post is 3 Magical Time Saving Techniques, which will help you nail down the exact things that waste time in your unique home and life (the stuff that no one can figure out for you). All told, if you can shrink the time it takes to get the less-fun stuff done, you amplify play time. 

There’s always the nose scrunch…

I do sometimes wish that I could do that famous nose wiggle from I Dream of Jeannie. Cute little nose scrunch and BAM! The house is clean. If I ever figure it out, I promise I’ll share! In the meantime, give yourself a big “Hell yeah” for all that you do accomplish. You are strong and brave and creative. A force to be reckoned with! And because you deserve the very best life has to offer, I hope you look toward these next days and weeks with an eye toward what will be most fun. May you live with no regrets. The dishes will be there when you’re good and ready.  

***Brag time! Tell me about a time when you chose fun and family over the work calling at you. What memory did you make? I’d love to hear, so be sure to share a comment. Go mama!

Koala bear with her baby. You're a mama bear, too - here are some apps to help you amplify self care.

Hey mama bear – it’s time to care for *YOU* with these 7 free apps

I love the idea of beginning anywhere. Anything that feels overwhelming or impossible is taken down to itty bitty bite size pieces. What’s your dream? Begin anywhere. How will you heal? Begin anywhere. How will you decide between all the options in front of you? Begin anywhere.  So whether it’s your mind, body, spirit, or relationship that you want to take to new levels, here is a list of 7 free apps that can support you as you unfurl your beautiful life. 

Apps for Body Health

-Avoid computer eye strain using a desktop app to remind (or force) you to take a break. I’m going to try one called “Awareness” because it uses tibetan bowls as the “time’s up” tone. Sounds nice. This article from Lifehack covers other apps that also do the trick.

-Are you drinking enough water? There are at least five apps out there that can help on this front, though the one called Aloe Bud is cute and includes tracks lots of self care elements besides water intake (like exercise, sleep, and eating). 

-Does waking up from a deep sleep ever make you feel groggy or out-of-it for the rest of the day? The Sleepcycle app solves that problem. It tracks your sleep and gently wakes you as close to your alarm as possible, but during the lightest part of your sleep cycle. This can help start the day on the right foot!   

Apps for Mind & Spirit

Insight Timer is a free app with over 25,000 guided meditations for topics that include sleep, anxiety, and stress. You’ll also find conversations from leading spiritual leaders. As a bonus, you get to feel connected with a huge community because the app lets you know how many people are meditating at the same time as you. 

Smiling Mind is a great one for people looking for guided meditations on the shorter end – such as the 5-15 minute range. Plus, this one has content that the whole family can use. 

365 Gratitude. This one is intriguing and I’m going to give it a try, myself. This app turns gratitude into a game you can win. Brains love games and success, so it seems like a faster way to rewire a mind toward grateful thinking. 

An App for your Relationship

Love Nudge for Couples. “It’s like a fitness app for relationships,” declares the website for this free app. The company has been around for a looong time, famous for helping couples understand the 5 Love Languages. Never heard of it?! Basically, each human has one primary way that they interpret information as “love.” For some people, gifts express love, others feel love through acts of service, others through affirmations, etc. This app helps you express love in a way that your partner considers most loving. Worth a try if you miss the quality time you shared with your partner before the first baby arrived. 

Begin Anywhere

Writing this post has been kinda fun. It feels good to know that there are so many people out there trying to build a world of people who love their lives. Some of these people even make apps! I feel like the older I get, the more I understand how much intention it takes to live healthy, happy, and whole. I think it would be overwhelming to try all these 7 free apps at once, but I will likely pick one or two that could make a difference and see what happens. 

My friend, whatever you most want to draw into your life these days, I hope you succeed. Remember that you are an unstoppable force once you make a decision. Your dream will come true, clarity will come. You are in the perfect place to make the next thing happen. Begin anywhere. 

***Tell me, because I would love to hear… what dream have you already made happen for yourself? Your story may just inspire someone else, so be sure to click on the comment button to share! Go mama! 

Woman and baby in stroller, enjoying the day

How I made free time during 6 months as a single mom

It’s been a journey, writing weekly blog posts and incorporating what I’m learning into my life. What made this fall extra trying was that our second floor became a full-out renovation zone. My husband disappeared into our upstairs for days on end while I kept the wheels rolling for home life. This meant I had to learn how to make my own free time during 6 months as a single mom.

I’m not saying this to complain. Acting as a solo parent was how I contributed to our renovation. But I can say, holy cow do I have all the respect in the world for single mamas. Massive respect, also, for all you mamas out there who have a partner but carry the lionshare of the house tasks and child rearing. It’s never ending and thankless. You deserve standing ovations every. single. day.

Lessons from 6 months as a single mom

Without further ado, here are the top things that I learned in my “single mama” months as I sought to spend less time on house stuff so that I could squeeze in time for myself. 

  • Quitting time: 9:30ish became the time when I allowed myself to stop moving for the day and do something for me before bed. It is a boundary that continues to feel important.
  • Edge time: If I find I have a few minutes between things, I’ve started chipping away at a chore I know I’ll have to do later. Something as simple as unloading half the dishwasher before work means that I’ll have a faster time getting the kitchen cleaned that night. 
  • Batch cooking: I’ll say this one a thousand times, I’m sure. Batch cooking on Sundays has saved an hour or more of cooking and cleaning every night of the week. 
  • Your ONE thing: I decide what the most important task is. The thing that makes everything feel easier or better once it’s done. This helps keep smaller “task” distractions from eating up your time. It also helps me redifine “success” in this crazy life…I wrote a post on it that you can check out here
  • Bedtime schedule: Creating a routine that gets sweet child to bed on time is key. For us, getting dinner on the table by 6 practically guarantees lights out by 7:30. Ah, sweet silence! 
  • Schedule time to make time: Now that I look for invisible systems in my home that waste time, I see them everywhere. I quickly learned that unless I schedule time to actually make the changes, they don’t happen. If they don’t happen, then I miss out on time that I could be having more fun with my family or doing my own thing. 
  • Habits are killer: It is super hard to break habits, especially ones that started way before kids. To help stop myself in the middle of something that doesn’t serve a purpose, I’ve started trying to ask “does this serve me?” If the answer is no, it’s easier to drop it and move on. 
  • Online time: We all know the internet is a rabbit hole. By shifting my internet habits in small ways, I have managed to spend less time online. For instance, I don’t bargain hunt if I’ve found a company I trust and know my way around their website. I have unsubscribed from listservs so there are fewer emails in my inbox. Sometimes I set a timer to limit the time I spend online, including for activities like blogging or facebook. All this keeps me plugged in, but on my own terms. 
  • Savoring time: Over these last months, I have developed a gratitude for mindset for the time I do have with my husband and daughter. I have choir once a week and instead of Oh crap, I’ve got only seven minutes for dinner! It has shifted to Ah! I have seven minutes to enjoy myself. That simple and genuine shift allows me to be more present and really enjoy myself, even in small bursts. 
  • The sanity clause: Elbows up, mama! Don’t overbook. Trust your gut. Say no graciously and firmly. Ask your partner to say no or back out of things if the sanity clause means that your relationship will be in a better place or his/her presence will allow you to get more alone time. 
  • Loving the life I’ve got: This is a perspective on time in the larger sense.You probably get it when I say that I often feel like I need to have, do, and be more in order to feel successful. Having kids puts a huge speed bump in that race…maybe for the better, if I let my heart do the talking. I know I’m going to miss these days. I’m going to want them back. So maybe my rhythm is slower for a while. Maybe I don’t travel much or go out much. Loving this life just as it is right now is the brand of “success” that I’m learning to run with.

There you have it! The quick-hits list of how I’ve learned to save time and appreciate time over the past months – my keys to making free time during 6 months as a single mom. All of these bullets cover (like I said) a very intense time for my family. Renovations, my husband’s band and shows, my choir, full time work, raising a child… it hasn’t been all roses. It’s been messy and beautiful and a journey. 

Thank you for the enormous love you give your family <3

The way I see it, if you have time to love yourself, then your children have a real good head start in becoming adults who love their lives. I hope the lessons learned in my “single mom” months can somehow help you shift into a place where you have more space for your own beautiful self care.

In case anyone hasn’t said it yet today, thank you for all you do. Thank you for keeping the wheels on the tracks in your house, day in and day out. Thank you for the massive care and energy you put into your family. This world hums and thrives because of you and all the souls who cook and clean and watch over, making home for us all. Namaste.

***Go Mama Love is off and running! If this article spoke to you, please share it on Facebook and “like” my Facebook page “Moms with Time.” Your support in this way means the world to me.

Use the sanity clause to make space for things you love, like this family sitting outside!

The life changing “sanity clause” for busy families

Have you had periods of time where the sheer number of things you’re juggling leaves you completely zapped? From the depths of a pile of blankets and potato chips on the couch and about to binge watch your favorite TV show, you announce you are never having a schedule this crazy again. From now on, things will be different! …months later you’re buried in potato chips again. If this is you, then you might like to know about the sanity clause. It can be life changing for busy families.

“The sanity clause” is a phrase my husband and I use to remind ourselves to look at the big picture before we say yes to things. We often find ourselves in a cycle of taking on too much and running thin. But when we remember to use the sanity clause, we end up a much happier family. 

The Sanity Clause

It’s a simple concept, so I’ll get right to it. The sanity clause is basically a question: will my family and I feel calm and stable if I say yes to this new thing? If the answer is no, then we adjust:

  • Perhaps we modify, slow down, or push off the activity for another time
  • Perhaps we say yes, but change or let go of stuff we’re already doing
  • Perhaps we say no, and that’s the end of it 

The sanity clause works really well in our house because we are the sort of people that go nonstop. When we don’t use it, we regret it. For instance, we did not use the sanity clause when we decided to move across the country with a baby, go on a trip to Europe days later, and then return to a fix-er-upper house with the idea that we could be living in it within a month. It’s hard to admit even to ourselves, but we struggled along for the better part of a year because of that too-intense summer. But the times when we look at all the things we could do and then ask: will we feel sane if we do all this? We get some perspective and make choices that are better for our family.

This is Key: Prioritize Your Well Being

So let’s say you know you need to use the sanity clause, but all the options in front of you look exciting for one reason or another. How do you choose what to say yes or no to? There is a huge body of articles that give guidance on the topic, but my favorite ones get at the topic from a holistic approach. In other words, they help you decide based on what’s most important to your physical, mental, and emotional well being. Your self care needs can change from week to week, which means that how you use the sanity clause might look different from week to week. 

In a blog post on prioritizing, Dr. Kate Northrup writes, “A life filled with what matters is a life well lived. And the only way to make sure you have a life like this is to do it on purpose.” She recommends that we intentionally figure out what matters most to us, schedule those activities first, and then fill in everything else that needs to happen. By doing this, you end up prioritizing your heart first. You get clear on what needs to fall off the plate and approach life on offense toward your goals.

Another nice article from Plenty Consulting talks about a healthy approach to prioritizing well being – it’s an intentional act made without guilt or apologies. I love that idea. I love that women are learning to speak and act in without apologizing or feeling guilty about it. It takes practice and it’s hard at first. I know, because I’m right there with you moving towards this space of unapologetic living. Fortunately, we’re surrounded by the voices of others who are doing the same and are encouraging us on this path.

2020: Best Year Ever <3

My wish for you in 2020 is that it becomes easy to hear the quiet stirrings in your heart. The whisper that says “this way” toward a life you love and experiences that keep you in awe of this beautiful world. May tools like the sanity clause and new ways of prioritizing help guide you on this path. You are an inspiring, powerful human being and I’m glad we’re in this together. 

***Tell me in the comments – because I’d love to hear! – what are you planning to do this year that you’re excited about? How can the sanity clause help you let go of things that don’t feel right anymore? Make sure to write it in the comments. You never know who you’ll inspire. Go mama!