Tag: gratitude

Lotus flower reminder to love the miracle you are

Six Ways to Love the Miracle You Are

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It’s not always obvious how to love the miracle you are. The truth is that for so many of us, the dead opposite often feels easier. Yet, perhaps surprisingly, there are places in this world where self love is the only option. Some decades ago, a group of Buddhist teachers from the West were with the Dalai Lama and asked him about concepts of self loathing, self hatred, and unworthiness. The Dalai Lama conferred with a translator for a good ten minutes to understand what these men were talking about. You see, the concepts weren’t even in his vocabulary. To him, they did not exist. He asked the teachers who among them had experienced this, and all nodded. One of the group’s members, Buddhist teacher Jack Kornfield, recalls the Dalai Lama’s surprised response: “But that’s a mistake! Every being is precious.” 

The dark side of our thoughts about ourselves isn’t something talked about much. Yet, I know that most of us in Western culture have experienced self-loathing, self-hate, or feelings of unworthiness at one point or another in our lives. I wish I could shield my children from this, and to be honest, the only way I know how to do it is by setting the example. What a world this would be if the idea of anything but self love and compassion were met with the same surprise and confusion as the Dalai Lama’s response to those teachers.  

Where does self-loathing and unworthiness begin?

A number of things can start the mental ball rolling toward self-loathing and unworthiness. At some point or another, we receive negative messages about who and what we are, and we choose to accept them as truth. We develop an inner critic as a protection mechanism to help us show up in the world in a way that won’t earn more negative attention. But that critic grows out of control, especially for people who’ve experienced narcissistic caregivers, trauma, family or housing instability. Truth is, any number of things can deeply impact feelings of worthiness and we grow harder and harder on ourselves in a misguided attempt to prevent future pain.

If you experience self-loathing or feelings of unworthiness, please, pause and hold your heart for a moment. Tell your heart that you are here now. You are here and you will gently guide yourself back to a place of self love, peace, and joy. 

Unworthiness hides in so many of us

When I was in college, I struggled with an eating disorder. I kept it secret from everyone but a single close friend and a therapist. Nearly alone, I grappled with the horror of realizing that I hated myself. I didn’t know where it came from, how it started, how it got so out of control. In addition, that horror was paired with shame at my situation that was so deep, I didn’t even tell my parents. 

I share this with you because I want to acknowledge the feelings of unworthiness that run rampant in our society, and also to be present with the stress that our feelings about our feelings causes. If this sounds like you, this need to hide your pain because you’re ashamed of it, know this: you are not alone. You have more allies and sisters and guides at your fingertips than you realize. People eager to witness you and guide you back to a place of knowing your worthiness.

How to love the miracle you are

Often, the healing path to self-love starts with small shifts. I offer some suggestions to you here, with hope that something will resonate. 

  • When your inner critic speaks, challenge it. Ask it why it’s saying that. My own inner critic never had an answer, and slowly it quieted. Yours will, too. 
  • Journal. Get your feelings out on paper. Let the crap out. All of it. Then, allow your journaling to move into a space of hope, of what-ifs, of dreaming a more peaceful or positive outcome. 
  • Go on a gratitude rampage. Take a walk or just journal or say it out loud – list things you are grateful for, for as many minutes as you can. 
  • Find a therapist. Therapy is something healthy people take part in, and it should be applauded. A good therapist makes space for you to let things out, whereas holding it in just magnifies the self-hurt, depression, or anxiety you may be feeling. 
  • Surround yourself with kind, positive people. The ones who make you feel uplifted at the end of an interaction. In fact, this is extra important for highly sensitive people who soak in the energy of others. If you’re still learning how to protect your energy, give yourself a head start by being choosy with who you surround yourself with.
  • Start a meditation practice. This is a miracle worker. Meditation teaches you to be present and gentle with yourself and your body. You learn to let your thoughts pass without attaching them, returning over and over to the stillness and peace of the present moment. 

I have traveled from the place of self-hatred to self-love. I know it is possible. So, wherever you’re at today, I want you to know that you’re enough. You are worth inner peace. You are worth love. You are worth all good things. Love the miracle you are.

To your joy,

Ashley

https://www.verywellmind.com/i-hate-myself-ways-to-combat-self-hatred-5094676
Fall leaves - something I list to calm my mind

The easy way to calm your beautiful mind

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Those moments where your mind is spinning out of control and you just wish something could make you feel calmer? A gratitude practice, my friend, is it. The easy way to calm your beautiful mind.

My husband and I did a gratitude practice the morning of our wedding day. We spent a half hour just feeling grateful for our lives and all the love in it. We did that before anything else on our to-do list. And what could have been a very stressful day… started off just right. We rode a giant wave of love from start to finish, and I attribute the positive momentum to that gratitude practice. 

This week, gratitude made a difference

I’m soaking in the beautiful fall weather from a rocker on my front porch as I write. Enjoying the warm fall air and the beautiful trees, the soft bellows of my baby’s breathing, his body curled up snug against me. Even enjoying the sense of not knowing as we head towards presidential election results later tonight.

Yesterday didn’t feel so pristine and easy. I was exhausted after a sleepless night, and my mind spun out of control with anxious thoughts about affording daycare for two children. Not knowing what else to do, I wrapped baby up and off we went on a gratitude walk around the neighborhood. 

There’s the saying that love and fear can’t exist together. It’s the same with gratitude and anxiety. During the walk, I listed all the things I’m grateful for that I could think of. Pinecones, sunshine, people who inspire me, people who joined our meal train, the spot that opened up for my daughter in a coveted daycare nearby, red leaves, red doors. Twenty minutes later, I can’t say I was flying high on life, but I was much calmer. I’d stopped the mental train tracks. 

All good things

Try a gratitude practice next time you find yourself in a negative mental state. It’s the easy way to calm your beautiful mind, and you can do it anywhere. Try it before a big day, or before any normal day. Gets you set up in a positive place – ready for all good things to come to you. And they will. You are enough. <3

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Tell me – I’d love to hear! – what are five things you’re grateful for in this moment? Please share in the comments below. May our lovin’ energy inspire and lift each other up. Go mama love.

A winter bird - a pretty image to say "thank you for who you are"

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for who you are

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I went to a women’s circle for a solstice gathering a couple days ago. It was a profound reminder to be grateful for who I am and my life, just as I am grateful for you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for who you are.

During the women’s circle, as we celebrated the wisdom that may be found in darkness, and our expectation for the return of the sun, we also held space for each other.  It was deeply powerful, to sit and share my story for a few minutes and to be witness to others. As I sat there, everything that I struggle with somehow seemed to feel better, lighter. I regained perspective that I am exactly where I should be, that we all are. 

The Path is the Goal

Gandhi once said, “The path is the goal.” Powerful words, right? But perhaps not enough on their own?

“Ah, but Gandhi,” you might be thinking, “How do I remember that in the middle of everything I’m going through right now?”

Not knowing Gandhi personally, I cannot tell you what he would respond. What I can tell you is that from the bottom of my heart, I am grateful for you. So is everyone else whose lives you have touched. I suppose that’s what Gandhi might tell us – to remember to be grateful for where we are and who we are, and to remind each other of the profound beauty of our lives when we forget.

With that in mind, this is my gift to you: a reminder that you are a gift. You have not made no mistakes. In fact, you chose exactly the right people at exactly the right time. You are being of light and love and we all need you. Just as you are.

Thank you for who you are

Merry Christmas, my friends. (merry everything!) Thank you for reading this blog and allowing me to connect with you. It’s an honor to be in your life. I hope that this Christmas, or whatever holiday you may be celebrating, you find rest within all that’s going on around you. May you experience the deep peace that is always present inside your heart – a gift to you, just as you are a gift to all of us. 

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for who you are.

Feel-good image of mint flowers in mortar and pestle

Why I Know You Will Heal

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Tis the season for intentional gratitude, so before I dive into today’s post on why I know you will heal, I want to start with a great big, heartfelt thank you to you. Thank you for following these posts, and for telling me in person or on social media that they’re making a difference. You’re the reason I write. If I can help you draw space, and peace, and happiness into your life in any way, I will have succeeded. Your support keeps me going. Thank you. 

There is also a lot to be thankful for outside of this blog. I’m grateful for my sister’s happiness with her new husband and farm. I’m grateful for the huge, loving community that showed up to support us in our renovation (the end is in sight, and we could not have done it without you). I’m grateful for friends and family far and near – you’re the reason I showed up on this planet, and I love you so much. Finally, I’m grateful for the fact that our bodies have infinite capacity to heal, which brings me to the topic of today’s post. 

Self Care to Feel Better than Ever

Sometimes self care really is about focusing on the basics. I’ve spent time in a number of recent posts sharing self-care strategies like mirror work and self talk (and how to practice self care at family gatherings). These are super important. But in the mind-body-spirit continuum, the body piece is important and can have a huge impact on your thoughts and feelings. In fact, research is increasingly linking things like anxiety and depression to gut health. 

If you feel like there was a time when you had more energy and brightness to meet the day – when you felt less worried, anxious, down, or zombielike – felt more you, then read on my friend. There is so much hope for feeling more like yourself. In fact, I don’t just hope you feel better – I know you will feel better. The reason why I know you will heal is because you are a powerful force when you make up your mind to do something.

What I share here is a mix of articles and books found through my own efforts to get back to a happy, “normal” state (i.e., none of this is professional medical advice). After having my daughter, the physical toll left me with a degree of anxiety that I didn’t want to just “live with” forever. I had some other non-urgent but not-going-away things that I finally decided to do something about. The results from this path have been amazing. With that, here are some tools that I hope will help you launch your own journey to well being. 

The quick hits

You are your own best healer. Fortunately, some of the cheapest and easiest things to do are already at your fingertips. The trick is to be conscious about following through. Try to:

  • Drink 8 glasses of water a day
  • Up the veggie intake. Half your plate should be veggies. 
  • Lower your sugar intake. (You might even give yourself a three-day, no-sugar challenge to help re-set).
  • Get your heart going. A five-minute dance party with your kids counts. Or try a ten minute walk-jog-stop to pet a cat… that counts too! No one’s watching. You can build up. 
  • Take your vitamins and fish oil
  • Laugh often
  • Nap
  • Send gratitude as often as you can remember

A little more effort, but every bit worth it

Pregnancy takes its toll on a body, and small imbalances can make your whole system feel off-kilter. Whether you recently had a baby, or your sweet chilli bean was born years ago, it’s never too late to ask a doctor to order tests to check out how you’re doing with things like vitamins, folate, and iron. A thyroid test can also provide clarity. Your doctor can help you decide the best tests. Afterward, if you feel like something is still missing, keep researching. Do your own homework so that you go to the doctor armed with good questions. 

A find at the library got me started on this track, called The Postnatal Depletion Cure by Oscar Serrallach. Check it out or find something like it – you’ll realize how not alone you are, and that this is not your new normal. In fact, it may just be a window that gets you feeling even better than before your pregnancy.

Why I Know You Will Heal

I came across a quote recently that really resonated: “The path to healing is not linear.” Some days you may feel totally energized by the changes you want to make in your body and life. Some days you may feel down and wonder if all this work is getting you anywhere. For me, this roller coaster has been very much a part of my journey over the last eight months. Some days, when results are not obvious, the only thing that keeps my spirits from sinking too far is choosing to believe the thought: “I have decided to heal, so I will heal.” (Because decisions send incredibly powerful messages to our brains and the universe to line it all up and take action). I know you will heal, too, if you so choose.

Sometimes healing takes time. Begin anywhere.

Sometimes you may try the wrong thing. Clarity comes through action.

Sometimes you may get overwhelmed. It’s normal. Keep going.

Inevitably, you will succeed or transcend, or both. Because you decided to.

Dear woman, you are more powerful than you realize. You created a family who you surround with love every day. You make your dreams come true. There is a light in your eyes that is only yours. 

It’s really up to you, this healing you seek. I hope you get there. And even though we may never meet, I like to think that you and I are part of a vast river of women whose spirits are cheering each other on. You are not alone. I am grateful for you. Go mama.