Tag: anxiety

women meditating with a mountain view

Start your meditation journey with this secret sauce

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Peace and joy. What lovely words, what lovely things to experience. Yet, those feelings can be fleeting at best for mothers juggling all the things. The good news is that peace and joy live in the present moment and they can be reached in the midst of these chaotic days. Oh no, you might be thinking, she’s going to tell me to start meditating. Yes, I am. But I’m also going to give you something that I had to figure out on my own, and it is worth so much. Start your meditation journey with my secret sauce and you’ll discover that it’s easy and fun to show up for this kind of self-care. 

Why meditate? 

If you identify as someone with anxiety or depression, it’s likely that you are living in a constant stress state. Meditation is kryptonite for stress because: 

  • You slow down your body’s stress response 
  • You become more self-aware, which leads to more resilience when you experience stressors
  • Self-criticism fades, self-love grows
  • Your body gets space for deep rest and healing, and
  • Sleep improves

Sounds pretty good, right? And let’s not forget, a meditation practice gives us mothers and parents something we’re truly craving – some alone time. As a mother and a business professional, sometimes the only time I get to myself in the day is my meditation space. But showing up for that practice as often as I can sets me up to better handle whatever comes up during the day. Anxiety is something I dial down by returning to meditation, and overwhelm is less common. 

Here’s the secret sauce

The thing is, starting a new habit – especially one that forces a busy person to slow down and do nothing – is easier said than done. For many years, reading inspiring books about meditating is as close as I got to the actual act. But I figured out the secret sauce to start your meditation journey, which I’m so happy to share. 

Bribe yourself. 

Sounds kinda fun, right? 

Before your first meditation session, sit down and write a list of all the gifts you’d like to give yourself for the next three months. For each week that you show up every single day to meditate, you get a gift. They don’t even need to be big gifts unless you want them to. Anything that affirms you are on the right track sends an amazing feel-good signal to your brain, and your brain then decides to keep moving forward so that it can get that feeling again. Essentially, you are overriding your brain’s hardwired preference to be lazy and revert to the anxiety-filled life it knows. Which is exactly what you are trying to train it away from. 

When I started my own meditation journey, I gifted myself presents weekly for the first two months – little things like new pants or a chick flick night or a trip to my favorite bakery. Then in the third month I spaced it out to a gift every two weeks. By that time, meditation had clearly started to transform my sense of well being. I was feeling calmer. That alone was enough to propel me onward when the gifts stopped showing up. The habit was set, and the physical, mental, and emotional benefits of meditating were reward enough. 

Looking ahead

There are other methods besides meditating that can calm your nervous system, which I will share at a later day. But meditating – that’s the big one. It is your fastest ticket to accessing your peace and joy. You deserve that, plus a whole lotta presents. 

To your joy,

Ashley

p.s. It can be hard for some people to give gifts to themselves. Help a sister out – what would you put on your gift list? Write it in the comments and then share this with a friend!

woman laughing

Your laughter’s the best. Get it rolling right here, right now.

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Picture this. You walk into an elderly uncle’s home for a visit, just a quick hello and then you’ll make your escape. But you find him giggling helplessly on the ceiling! In spite of your best efforts, you just can’t help yourself. You crack a smile. You giggle. You guffaw. Suddenly, you’ve floated up to join him. 

This can only mean you’ve wandered onto the set of Mary Poppins and everyone is laughing so hard they just go up! Do you remember that scene? How infectious the laughter was? I’m smiling just thinking about it. “The more I glee…the more I’m a merrier me!” 🙂 So let’s have a bit of fun today. I’m going to review some of the health benefits of laughter and then we’ll get to the real reason you’re reading this: your laughter’s the best, and we’re about to get it rolling right here, right now. 

Laughter’s the best

The Mayo Clinic had some fun writing about the subject in an article linking stress relief with laughter. It says, “When it comes to relieving stress, more giggles and guffaws are just what the doctor ordered.” In the immediate moment, laughter reduces stress, soothes tense muscles, and increases the flow of oxygen to your body. In the long term, it helps lower anxiety and depression, contributes to positive thinking, relieves pain, and makes it easier to cope with difficult situations. 

Another little known fact is that even forced laughter has the same health benefits as real laughter. Your body doesn’t know the difference!  

According to Mental Health and Wellness coach Brett Alana Stanley, kindergarten age children laugh up to 300 times a day, while adults laugh about 17. Can you imagine how life might change if you laughed even 100 times a day? 

Get your laughter rolling 

As you move through your days, I hope you ponder ways you might draw laughter into your life. The easy one is playing with your kids, who love to be silly! But what else? Loving and lighthearted TV shows can be wonderful – Schitt’s Creek on Netflix had me laughing in every episode. Or laughter yoga – if you can find a laughter yoga session somewhere in your area, I encourage you to give it a shot. They’re surprisingly fun. 

Last, gently learning to take yourself less seriously and even laugh at yourself can be healing and a way to have fun in your day, even when you’re all alone. Who’s to know about that silly dance party you had all on your own?!

Now, your laughter’s the best and I promised we’d get it rolling right here, right now. So if you will please follow me to the contagious laughter scene in Mary Poppins, we’ll get started right away. You also might like this video clip. Or this classic. 

To your glee, 

Ashley

P.s. Be sure to put a link to your own favorite funny youtube videos in the comments! Always looking for the next reason to laugh. And when you’re done, share this post to social media! Sparking smiles and laughter is the best kind of caring! 

silhouette of woman with arms stretched out - she feels free

It’s easy to feel happy when you’re doing these five things

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Today, I’m throwing in with the “healthy lifestyle” crowd because I have something to offer that will make it feel a little more accessible. You see, we spend a lot of time living in our heads. We think of “me” as my brain, spirit, soul, and consider “my body” as the machine that works for us but is somewhat separate from us. Ah, what misguided thinking that is! 

I’m the perfect example of someone who has treated her body like it’s meant to thrive day after day regardless of how I treat it. Sure, I exercised, but I had a cruel inner critic, emotional baggage that was being ignored, and high stress from juggling all the things. In my early thirties, I learned that I had a leaky gut and high anxiety. Living in that state was a daily marathon of mental, emotional, and physical discomfort.  

Yet, over time as I’ve reoriented myself in a process I call my joy journey, I’ve started to think of that low point as a blessing in disguise. The anxiety and physical symptoms were messengers: I am not living the grounded, joyful life I dream of. So I got to work pursuing joy, and today I’ll share share how to feel happy with these five things: vitamin b, hydration, veggies, sleep, and meditation.

Feel happy with these five things

Now, you may be wondering how to even begin a joy journey when all the things going wrong feel like a dense rubber band ball about to start snapping. The simple answer is begin anywhere, and as you go, give attention to a mix of physical, mental, and emotional spaces. 

The physical side is important – little things can make a fast difference. For instance, did you know that: 

  • The vitamin B family helps prevent anxiety and depression? In fact, an imbalance of any kind of key vitamin can deeply affect your mood. A blood test and consultation with a naturopath doctor is your best bet at learning the optimal vitamin levels for your body, and which ones are off balance. (Traditional medicine will just tell you if your results are normal or not, when what you need is a fine-tuned assessment for the unique body you are).
  • Proper hydration improves sleep quality and mood, and it delivers nutrition to all of your cells. Experts recommend 11 cups of water per day for women, and 16 for men. (Pro tip: so long as it’s not sweetened or alcoholic, this can include flavored like tea or soda water).
  • Eating healthy levels of fruit and veggies makes your digestive system happy and also decreases your long-term risk of things like diabetes and certain heart conditions. Aim to fill half of your plate at each meal with fruits and vegetables. You’ll be feeling so good. 
  • Sleep is particularly important because it gives your brain time to recharge. Adults up to age 65 need 7-9 hours of sleep – the more the better. But you already knew that 🙂 
  • Meditation is rest for the body. When you meditate, your mind quiets and your body has space to do deep healing. This is THE thing people know about but don’t do. I promise you, if you get yourself a free app like Insight Timer and commit to showing up for 20 minutes a day until you feel a shift, you’ll get yourself addicted to the best mental health support on the planet. 

All you, m’dear! 

I’ll be the first to admit that lifestyle changes take work. I started meditating in 2021 after years of just reading and thinking about meditating. I can tell you, thinking about meditating and actually showing up for it are not the same! The results have been astounding. But that’s the big thing I’ve been working toward. Getting more sleep is still on the radar. I eat more veggies than I used to but there’s room to grow. I’m learning to catch my mind in the act of being critical and help it reframe. I started to feel happy with these five things in my life, and I know you will too.

The biggest reason I share all this because I want you to remember that you can start anywhere. Pick just one thing to address. Then, add on as you are able. It’s really that simple! You’re not taking on the whole kitchen sink, you’re weaving in new threads, in ways that feel right. 

You’re really going to start enjoying yourself as you get going. Loving on yourself will get easy once you start building these new grooves.

As always, I’m so grateful to be on this joy journey with you. Whatever hurts you are healing, know that you are your own best healer. You’ve got this and I’ve got you. 

With so much love, your joy midwife,

Ashley

Feel-good image of mint flowers in mortar and pestle

Why I Know You Will Heal

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Tis the season for intentional gratitude, so before I dive into today’s post on why I know you will heal, I want to start with a great big, heartfelt thank you to you. Thank you for following these posts, and for telling me in person or on social media that they’re making a difference. You’re the reason I write. If I can help you draw space, and peace, and happiness into your life in any way, I will have succeeded. Your support keeps me going. Thank you. 

There is also a lot to be thankful for outside of this blog. I’m grateful for my sister’s happiness with her new husband and farm. I’m grateful for the huge, loving community that showed up to support us in our renovation (the end is in sight, and we could not have done it without you). I’m grateful for friends and family far and near – you’re the reason I showed up on this planet, and I love you so much. Finally, I’m grateful for the fact that our bodies have infinite capacity to heal, which brings me to the topic of today’s post. 

Self Care to Feel Better than Ever

Sometimes self care really is about focusing on the basics. I’ve spent time in a number of recent posts sharing self-care strategies like mirror work and self talk (and how to practice self care at family gatherings). These are super important. But in the mind-body-spirit continuum, the body piece is important and can have a huge impact on your thoughts and feelings. In fact, research is increasingly linking things like anxiety and depression to gut health. 

If you feel like there was a time when you had more energy and brightness to meet the day – when you felt less worried, anxious, down, or zombielike – felt more you, then read on my friend. There is so much hope for feeling more like yourself. In fact, I don’t just hope you feel better – I know you will feel better. The reason why I know you will heal is because you are a powerful force when you make up your mind to do something.

What I share here is a mix of articles and books found through my own efforts to get back to a happy, “normal” state (i.e., none of this is professional medical advice). After having my daughter, the physical toll left me with a degree of anxiety that I didn’t want to just “live with” forever. I had some other non-urgent but not-going-away things that I finally decided to do something about. The results from this path have been amazing. With that, here are some tools that I hope will help you launch your own journey to well being. 

The quick hits

You are your own best healer. Fortunately, some of the cheapest and easiest things to do are already at your fingertips. The trick is to be conscious about following through. Try to:

  • Drink 8 glasses of water a day
  • Up the veggie intake. Half your plate should be veggies. 
  • Lower your sugar intake. (You might even give yourself a three-day, no-sugar challenge to help re-set).
  • Get your heart going. A five-minute dance party with your kids counts. Or try a ten minute walk-jog-stop to pet a cat… that counts too! No one’s watching. You can build up. 
  • Take your vitamins and fish oil
  • Laugh often
  • Nap
  • Send gratitude as often as you can remember

A little more effort, but every bit worth it

Pregnancy takes its toll on a body, and small imbalances can make your whole system feel off-kilter. Whether you recently had a baby, or your sweet chilli bean was born years ago, it’s never too late to ask a doctor to order tests to check out how you’re doing with things like vitamins, folate, and iron. A thyroid test can also provide clarity. Your doctor can help you decide the best tests. Afterward, if you feel like something is still missing, keep researching. Do your own homework so that you go to the doctor armed with good questions. 

A find at the library got me started on this track, called The Postnatal Depletion Cure by Oscar Serrallach. Check it out or find something like it – you’ll realize how not alone you are, and that this is not your new normal. In fact, it may just be a window that gets you feeling even better than before your pregnancy.

Why I Know You Will Heal

I came across a quote recently that really resonated: “The path to healing is not linear.” Some days you may feel totally energized by the changes you want to make in your body and life. Some days you may feel down and wonder if all this work is getting you anywhere. For me, this roller coaster has been very much a part of my journey over the last eight months. Some days, when results are not obvious, the only thing that keeps my spirits from sinking too far is choosing to believe the thought: “I have decided to heal, so I will heal.” (Because decisions send incredibly powerful messages to our brains and the universe to line it all up and take action). I know you will heal, too, if you so choose.

Sometimes healing takes time. Begin anywhere.

Sometimes you may try the wrong thing. Clarity comes through action.

Sometimes you may get overwhelmed. It’s normal. Keep going.

Inevitably, you will succeed or transcend, or both. Because you decided to.

Dear woman, you are more powerful than you realize. You created a family who you surround with love every day. You make your dreams come true. There is a light in your eyes that is only yours. 

It’s really up to you, this healing you seek. I hope you get there. And even though we may never meet, I like to think that you and I are part of a vast river of women whose spirits are cheering each other on. You are not alone. I am grateful for you. Go mama.